Photo Courtesy of Zie Mueller
When it comes to writing, I consider myself a fiction writer first and foremost. Stories are my forte, everything else comes second, a workable, doable second. There was, in hindsight, an exception I didn’t think of until I had walked into my ENG-405 class this past January: personal essays. I had written academic essays–more than enough for a lifetime in my opinion; but a personal one? It felt paradoxical in nature–writing an essay that wasn’t strictly factual nor evidence-based seemed absurd to me. In spite of this, I found myself tasked with writing such an essay for the class; I was quite lost to be frank.
My biggest anxiety when approaching such a task is a fear of lack of anything to base it after. Admittedly I’ve struggled with interjecting anything personal into works I create. Why? Well–that’s asking the deep question right there. If I had to take the armchair psychologist route; I’d reckon it has to do with this barrier I put up. I don’t really talk about what I write about and the stuff that happens in my life I don’t weave into any stories I write. It probably boils down to writing being a method of escapism I employ and a strong unconscious tendency to keep it that way. Is it a bad coping mechanism? I wouldn’t say so, it could be better though.
I aim to avoid making the writing process any more painful than it can be, so the question was still what was I going to do? The answer was much more simple and painless than I thought due to the nature of the assignment. The assignment in question was known as a Montaignian Essay, or a “how I know what I know” essay. The idea grabbed me right away due to how bizarre yet fascinating it was. How do I prove that I know something? It sounds so simple at face value yet insanely difficult to manifest into words. A simple “I know it” fails to really get at what I believe my professor was aiming for us to express.
It was through that realization that the main idea of my essay was formed. A recounting of the time where I connected with my Dad through eighties music I had gotten to know through a manga I was into, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. Due to musical artists/album/songs being used to name the various stands throughout the series. A simple idea? Yes, but it was monumental for myself, as I felt like I was to bring something from my personal life without stressing about it. I felt something I rarely feel when writing something–feeling proud of it. No embarrassment, no “oh god did I really write this?”. Just a sense of accomplishment that I had bravely ventured into new territory and came out a better writer for it. With a second personal essay due soon, well, to quote Spongebob from the episode, The Bad Guy Club For Villains, “wanna see me do it again?”
Tony Cammarano