Photo courtesy of Skye Chernobilsky
Happy April’s Fools, gorgeous.
Confession: I have this thing where my life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends. Unfortunately, my grammar impulses win out, but I want better for you. So, I am giving you an extensive list of knee-slapping jokes so that your friends won’t care as much when you inevitably do correct them. Fool proof, tried and tested. They are listed by how big the laugh and how witty I found it.
Here we go…
Straight-up Jokes:
Why didn’t the English Major break up with the Dictionary?
They couldn’t find the right words.
Why did the comma get in trouble?
It couldn’t stop interrupting!
Why did the adjective break up with the noun?
It was too possessive.
>>
Here’s some puns for you, my friend, because I put the pun in punctuation.
I read a book on anti-gravity… it was impossible to put down.
I have a real novel approach to solving problems.
I’m writing a book about reverse psychology; please don’t read it.
I’m planning to write a book about time travel, but it’s a work in progress.
I told my friend I’m writing a book on anti-climaxes… but it’s not going anywhere.
I tried to write a play about a pencil but it didn’t have enough of a point!
I’m studying punctuation. It’s really a period of growth.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
Whoever put the letter ‘B’ in the word subtle deserves a pat on the back.
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
(We all like cats.)
>>
Here are some literature themed joke!
How did Charlotte Bronte make it easier for everyone to breathe?
She created Eyre.
How did Voltaire like his apples?
Candied (Candide)!
Why did the reader give up on Pride and Prejudice?
The characters were too Austentatious
Did you hear about Jay Gatsby’s new car?
It was a real hit with the ladies.
What made Civil Disobedience such a great work?
Thoreau editing.
Why did Shakespeare only write in pen?
He couldn’t decide which type of pencil to use– a 2B or not 2B.
Lastly, there’s a lot of edgy English humor jokes, and I wanted to spare you from that, because you are awesome and have great taste in music— I know it’s very well-composed! But, I’m gonna drop a singular edgy joke here…
What’s the difference between an English major and a philosopher?
One asks, ‘What is the meaning of life?’ The other asks, ‘Can I cite that?’
I hope to see you at the Venture launch party. It’s on April 3rd at 11:30–1 PM, in SWG 118!!
I know you won’t get lost– after all us English Majors know how to follow the plot.
This is where I got my jokes from:
Carole Cobos